


What is Found in Silence

by Angel Ascending (angel_in_ink)



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Fjord's there too he just didn't get a speaking part, I had to feel things and now you do too, I mean they have a relationship after this, M/M, Spoilers through episode 7 of the new campaign, feels trip, pre-relationship i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-23
Updated: 2018-02-23
Packaged: 2019-03-22 22:35:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13774026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angel_in_ink/pseuds/Angel%20Ascending
Summary: Molly knows that look, when he sees it on Caleb, down in the mine. Or rather, he’s felt how that man looks. The anger. The blankness. The look of someone haunted by memories. Oh yes, he knows how Caleb feels, but he also knows that they don’t have time for it right now, they have to go. So he runs over and puts out the flaming priest, standing in front of Caleb, whose eyes don’t track his movements. It’s almost like when Caleb uses his familiar to see, but Caleb isn’t outside, he’s inside, in deep.“Caleb?”Nothing.





	What is Found in Silence

**Author's Note:**

> So Episode 7 ended, and I only had a few hours before work *anyway*, and I was WAY too excited to sleep. I regret nothing.

Molly knows that look, when he sees it on Caleb, down in the mine. Or rather, he’s _felt_ how that man looks. The anger. The blankness. The look of someone haunted by memories. Oh yes, he knows how Caleb feels, but he also knows that they don’t have time for it right now, they have to go. So he runs over and puts out the flaming priest, standing in front of Caleb, whose eyes don’t track his movements. It’s almost like when Caleb uses his familiar to see, but Caleb isn’t outside, he’s _inside_ , in deep.

“Caleb?”

Nothing.

Molly slaps him, watches Caleb recoil, sees his eyes focus on him. That’s something. “You okay?”

Caleb blinks. “Yeah.”

It’s a lie, a bad one, and Molly lets it go. “Good. We have time for that later.” He kisses Caleb on the forehead, apology and promise and understanding all rolled up into one simple gesture.

Caleb goes where he’s lead, Molly on one side of him, Beau on the other. He doesn’t speak again.

**********

There’s several ways people react to surviving a fight like they had just had. Downstairs, Molly can hear Fjord and Jester and Beau drinking and chattering excitedly. They’ll crash hard in an hour or so, but for now they’re just thankful to be alive and they’re going to _live._

Molly would have been right there with them, normally, and gods above and demons below he could use a drink, but instead he’s upstairs, sitting outside the door to their room. Caleb and Nott were in there, and Molly had wanted to give them some time alone. He had heard Nott crying, her thin, high wail carrying through the door and out into the hallway. There had been no low murmur of Caleb’s voice trying to soothe her and that was…. distressing. Still, her crying had tapered off and there had been silence in the room for some time now.

Molly opened the door, treading lightly so as not to make the floorboards creak too badly. The room was dark, but of course that didn’t bother him. Nott was curled up on the bed, covered by Caleb’s coat, asleep, Caleb was curled protectively around her, and his eyes were closed, so he might have been sleeping too, but Molly doubted it. He stowed his swords away where they would be safe, pulled off his boots, and climbed into bed, next to Caleb, who didn’t stir. Slowly, very slowly, Molly put an arm around Caleb, ready to withdraw it if the man indicated in any way that he didn’t want Molly touching him.

Caleb didn’t move, and there wasn’t any change in his slow, even breathing. Maybe he _was_ asleep. Molly rather hoped he was, because the man obviously needed his rest, but he hated to think about what dreams the man might be having, what nightmares. A thought came to his mind, or rather, a tune to his lips, one of the songs Yasha sang to Molly when he was having one of his bad nights, a song Molly had heard in his dreams often. Softly, very softly, stumbling over the Celestial words occasionally, Molly sang, and hoped it would chase any nightmares away.

**********

The next morning, Caleb still wasn’t speaking. He ate if you placed food and drink in front of him, which was mildly encouraging at least, and he’d hold Nott’s hand or stroke her hair if she was near. When they were getting ready to leave town he had packed up his things readily enough. He did everything but speak.

Everyone was quiet as they left town, as if Caleb’s silence was contagious. Caleb sat at the back of the wagon, holding Nott, who looked miserable.

“Caleb, why won’t you talk to me? Are you mad at me? I’m sorry!”

Caleb’s arms tightened around the goblin girl and he kissed her forehead gently and stroked her hair, but he offered no words of reassurance.

Jester face held none of her usual good cheer as she leaned against Molly. Molly put an arm around her, for her comfort or his own he couldn’t say. Both, maybe.

 _“Why won’t he speak?_ ” Jester asked in Infernal.

 _“Sometimes the words go away,”_ Molly replied.

_“When will they come back?”_

Molly shook his head. _“I don’t know.”_

************

They made camp in a field that night, and dinner was a strained affair where Jester made half-hearted jokes that Fjord laughed way too loudly at. Nott flinched at everything and stayed close to Caleb, who stared blankly into the distance and ate his meal with the air of someone who knew he must eat to live and that was all.

“Caleb. Caleb, c’mon man, you’re scaring me,” Beau crouched in front of Caleb and put a hand on his shoulder. “Please, say something!”

“Beau,” Molly said softly. “Leave him be.”

Beau looked over at Molly and there was anger in her eyes, but Molly knew the anger wasn’t for him. They had their dislike of each other, true, but that had nothing to do with the silent man in front of them both. She didn’t argue with him, just stood up and walked away. She was gone for a long time, and Molly could hear her taking her worry out on something in the distance, a tree maybe. Molly made sure to leave the medical kit on top of her bedroll before he turned in, his own bedroll next to Caleb’s.

*******

It was late in the evening or very early in the morning, depending on how you reckoned time. Molly had been on watch for nearly an hour, and he wasn’t surprised when he saw Caleb silently get up and start walking towards the horizon. Molly wondered if the man was even awake. He only had a second’s hesitation before he went over to where Beau was sleeping and shook her shoulder. It was her turn next on watch anyway, he was just waking her early. Very early.

“Hzzuat?” Beau mumbled, blinking up at Molly, rubbing at her eyes with one bandaged hand. She wasn’t really good for much when she first woke up.

“Your turn,” Molly said simply, and then he was loping off through the tall grass after Caleb.

Caleb didn’t stop when Molly caught up to him. He looked awake, and his eyes even flicked over once in Molly’s direction, but he just kept walking.

“Caleb, you can’t even see where you’re going,” Molly said, walking next to him. “Though I don’t think you’d be able to see where you were going even in broad daylight, metaphorically speaking.”

Silence.

“Are you going to keep walking, Caleb? Going to leave Nott behind? Going to leave _us_ behind? I think you’ve been walking away from things for awhile now, haven’t you?”

Silence.

“I’ve done the walking away thing, Caleb. Hells, I think everyone in our group is trying to get away from something. You know what the problem with that is? You take your head with you wherever you go.”

Silence.

“I’ve been where you are, trapped with memories I didn’t want to remember, my river of words all dried up. I tried to walk away from my problems and it didn’t help. You know what did help? Meeting Yasha. Finding a place that, for a while at least, it felt like I belonged in. Meeting all of you. All of that helps. Yeah, sometimes I still have nightmares and I wake up with all my words gone, it doesn’t fix everything, but it’s a damn sight better than nothing. Are you going to walk away from the people who care about you, Caleb? Are you going to walk away from _me?_ ”

Caleb stopped walking. After a moment he turned to face Molly, so close they were nearly touching. It was dark, yes, but maybe this close up, Caleb could see him. It sure looked like the man was looking at him anyway.

“I’m not going to ask you to talk. I know how it is when the words are all gone, or when they’re there but just too big for your throat. I’ll tell you that the longer you go without speaking the harder it might be to start again, but if you never utter another word, I’ll be the first person who understands. What I am going to ask you to do is come back to camp with me. Come back to us. And if you don’t? If you can’t? I’ll go with you, because no one should have to walk alone.”

Silence now from both of them. Molly knows when to talk to fill the silence, and when to let the silence speak. He waits and he watches as Caleb looks at the ground for what seems like an age.

The sob, when it comes, is a quiet thing, but it might as well be a shout. Molly feels Caleb lean against him and Molly’s arms reach out to hold him close as Caleb cries like his heart is breaking, and maybe it is. He doesn’t speak, but he keeps nodding. Molly will try to find out what exactly Caleb is saying yes to later. For the moment he just stands there, in the dark, and lets Caleb cry.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm angel-ascending over on Tumblr if you want to stop by and say hi!


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